Fatherhood, I’ve learned, is not a title. It is not a uniform or a career. It is the choice, made daily, to turn toward the future. Because that’s what fathers are: tenders of the present to ensure a future.

My father, a man of uncommon intelligence, introduced me to Star Wars, told me stories, and made me studious. He was fearless and searching. He gave me what was for me to carry. A man with eight sons and four daughters, he tended to each of us differently with the same love. Among us: fishermen, chefs, builders, entrepreneurs, a lawyer, and service members. I found my own path. He gave each of us exactly what we needed to drive it.

My father-in-law, rest his soul, was a patient and silent man who always asked me the right questions. He showed me that fatherhood isn’t always about charging in; it’s about knowing when to ask instead of answer, and offering guidance only when wisdom is required.

My younger brother became a father before me, and watching him in these recent years has taught me something too. Fatherhood isn’t about measuring what was, it’s about the strength to meet what is now. Each of his children are different, and he tends to them where they are, not where he wishes they were.

To all the men in my immediate family, too many to name, not one I’d leave out. The cousins and uncles you’ve raised helped shape me personally, in ways that reflect back on who you were and are as fathers.

And to the military men I’ve witnessed, so, so, so many to name individually, I’ve observed you carry fatherhood across distance and danger. You fought, and are still fighting, so that other fathers could remain.

And to all of the men who have been present in my life on a personal level, who have shared with me their children’s names, photos, and milestones—poets, artists, DJs, mentors, and protégés—all of you know exactly who you are.

Fatherhood, at its core, is the daily practice of tending—fighting for, not against—to return, to repair, to remain, and to be seen even if not heard in the lives of our children.

Happy Father’s Day.